Today I took Ebby for a walk down to the corner of the street and back - I think we once estimated it as close to .5 mile total. About a month ago, I got a rollator and that has made walking any kind of distance A LOT easier...I haven't needed to stare down as my feet as much, I don't need to worry as much about veering off course, it helps my balance. The only problem I came after getting it was trying to walk the dog still. Both of us needed the exercise. Even tho we have a decent sized fenced in yard - she doesn't like running around in it w/out someone else and she doesn't like playing ball or frisbee (she looks at you like its beneath her)
Last night, however, Matt & I went "school clothes shopping" at Petsmart. We got her one of those harnesses that wouldn't pull on her neck (honestly, I'd been thinking about one of those anyways for a while..she's too curious and pulls hard at the lease). We also exchanged the extender leash, which was getting caught in the little joints & stuff, for a thicker, (but still longish) rope-like leash that I could loop over the front of the rollator. This kept my hands free, it didn't pull on one side of the walker when she moved, but still gave a little bit of length for her to investigate the sides of the sidewalk.
Ebony was such a fabulous dog on the walk and adapted to the new stuff quite quickly..for the most part, she stayed to the front of the rollator, and when she began to stray too much all I needed to do was call "Ebby, sidewalk" and she'd usually trot right back in front of me. A few times I had to walk past her and it took the tug of the leash on her back to get her moving again, but she'd get right back up front.
I'm so happy we've figured out how to keep including the dog in my morning walks -they'd be so boring otherwise. And I'm SO proud of Ebby for cooperating and adapting so our solution is actually a workable solution.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Saturday, August 31, 2013
my political views...at this moment anyway
this is more a rant than anything else... part of the reason I refuse to declare Dem, Rep, etc is cuz frankly none of them are getting it right and none of them stick to what they say they're gonna do.. I vote for the one that seems like (s)he has the best ideals and possibly may do the best for the country (hopefully)
at this point, tho I think we have successfully managed to shove our heads so far up our asses we aren't seeing just how much the rest of the world looks down on us. Please don't think I'm anti-America.. I'm not... I love this country.. my views are that we don't need to have "a hand in" the change of every other country, regardless if that change is to democracy or not. Nor do we need to KEEP a hand in other countries --we have enough problems here.
Besides which..we are so focused on making everyone like the US, we don't realize that the people in power are that was because they will do ANYTHING. In other words - they are petty tyrants who are bent on keeping what they have at all costs. The American govt. acts like they will respond like any other reasonable entity. In order to understand someone like that, you need to be able to think like they do, not just do the minimal wrist slap or treat them like a playground bully while giving them the opportunity to come back with a bigger "bat" next time. In my opinion, the US would succeed better in foreign policy if we kept in mind we are dealing with high level petty tyrants for the most part who will stoop to new lows and stop at nothing to retain power.
I'm not saying our country's government is perfect - far from it... they have done many things that I (atleast) am not proud of and makes me want to cringe when people mention it. They have had their ups and downs... I know its probably not fair of me to compare all of this since I haven't actually experienced the other governments or anything (which is why I also say this is my view at the moment..I may experience something later that could change my world) but I know the intent at the start of the country's government was for a freer nation--whether or not it stayed that way.
Maybe the initial intent of the governments we are currently at odds with were better...after all power corrupts
at this point, tho I think we have successfully managed to shove our heads so far up our asses we aren't seeing just how much the rest of the world looks down on us. Please don't think I'm anti-America.. I'm not... I love this country.. my views are that we don't need to have "a hand in" the change of every other country, regardless if that change is to democracy or not. Nor do we need to KEEP a hand in other countries --we have enough problems here.
Besides which..we are so focused on making everyone like the US, we don't realize that the people in power are that was because they will do ANYTHING. In other words - they are petty tyrants who are bent on keeping what they have at all costs. The American govt. acts like they will respond like any other reasonable entity. In order to understand someone like that, you need to be able to think like they do, not just do the minimal wrist slap or treat them like a playground bully while giving them the opportunity to come back with a bigger "bat" next time. In my opinion, the US would succeed better in foreign policy if we kept in mind we are dealing with high level petty tyrants for the most part who will stoop to new lows and stop at nothing to retain power.
I'm not saying our country's government is perfect - far from it... they have done many things that I (atleast) am not proud of and makes me want to cringe when people mention it. They have had their ups and downs... I know its probably not fair of me to compare all of this since I haven't actually experienced the other governments or anything (which is why I also say this is my view at the moment..I may experience something later that could change my world) but I know the intent at the start of the country's government was for a freer nation--whether or not it stayed that way.
Maybe the initial intent of the governments we are currently at odds with were better...after all power corrupts
Sunday, August 18, 2013
memories
Today was harder than I thought it would be...
I'm not sure why...well... I have ideas, but they might just be the random mumblings of a stressed, tired mind that is sick of everything and just wants to stop thinking for a long while until it can heal again..
I knew so few people.. that wasn't the terrible part. Mother didn't recognize or know many of the more distant branches or the family tree (& I'm not talking miles). It was held at my aunt's house, which is on the property of my childhood home....
I had a good childhood... don't get me wrong... talking about the stupid/insane things I/the pets did in the past should have been humorous...not sad or tear invoking...I shouldn't have been so devastated as Dad helped me walk from the large rock where I sat with my dog, down the driveway where I remember finding a plastic horse figurine while still at a hand holding age (3-5?) days before they paved it. I remember all these stupid little tidbits of my past, but I look at things from my life now and I feel like I'm forgetting more and more of the present when I'm reminded of more and more of the past..... I know that makes no sense, but the old resurfaces easier sometimes, or it replaced the new stuff if I've been recently reminded I suppose... IDK
I'm not sure why...well... I have ideas, but they might just be the random mumblings of a stressed, tired mind that is sick of everything and just wants to stop thinking for a long while until it can heal again..
I knew so few people.. that wasn't the terrible part. Mother didn't recognize or know many of the more distant branches or the family tree (& I'm not talking miles). It was held at my aunt's house, which is on the property of my childhood home....
I had a good childhood... don't get me wrong... talking about the stupid/insane things I/the pets did in the past should have been humorous...not sad or tear invoking...I shouldn't have been so devastated as Dad helped me walk from the large rock where I sat with my dog, down the driveway where I remember finding a plastic horse figurine while still at a hand holding age (3-5?) days before they paved it. I remember all these stupid little tidbits of my past, but I look at things from my life now and I feel like I'm forgetting more and more of the present when I'm reminded of more and more of the past..... I know that makes no sense, but the old resurfaces easier sometimes, or it replaced the new stuff if I've been recently reminded I suppose... IDK
Sunday, August 11, 2013
anticipation? anxiety?
Nearing the 120 day mark for the SSID decision. Just got a letter in the mail from them asking me to come in & bring someone w/ me who can assist/handle financial matters for me. I hate making assumptions, but it sounds favorable... but it still makes me get panic moths (I don't call them butterflies..it's too cute & cuddly sounding) in my tummy..
On top of that, (not sure if this will be good or bad) I'm going for 3 weeks to NY for my girl's horse competition... she qualified to take all these riding lessons in basically all the various competition areas from top instructors at the NY State Fair and then her team competes in the drill team competition held on the last couple days. Unfortunately, that also means spending that time w/ the parents & defusing any situations they try to put me in or anything they try to get me to do... I love them, but there's a reason we don't live closer together. Some personalities don't mesh well....and I'm not blameless, either...but there's also a family reunion and many of these people I haven't seen for YEARS, so I'm happy about that, but I'm so dreading the "what happened to you?" questions when they see me walking slow and weaving and esp. now that I'm getting a rollator to help me for outdoor stuff or large area places (malls, etc)
It just seems like everything good comes with some sort of bad (even if it's just my overactive, psychotic, anxious brain providing it)... I know that's life... I'm honestly not some naive little girl... but I'd really like to have just some good and skip the bad (and be able to trust that its okay, and not get the panic moths making mincemeat out of my insides) XP
On top of that, (not sure if this will be good or bad) I'm going for 3 weeks to NY for my girl's horse competition... she qualified to take all these riding lessons in basically all the various competition areas from top instructors at the NY State Fair and then her team competes in the drill team competition held on the last couple days. Unfortunately, that also means spending that time w/ the parents & defusing any situations they try to put me in or anything they try to get me to do... I love them, but there's a reason we don't live closer together. Some personalities don't mesh well....and I'm not blameless, either...but there's also a family reunion and many of these people I haven't seen for YEARS, so I'm happy about that, but I'm so dreading the "what happened to you?" questions when they see me walking slow and weaving and esp. now that I'm getting a rollator to help me for outdoor stuff or large area places (malls, etc)
It just seems like everything good comes with some sort of bad (even if it's just my overactive, psychotic, anxious brain providing it)... I know that's life... I'm honestly not some naive little girl... but I'd really like to have just some good and skip the bad (and be able to trust that its okay, and not get the panic moths making mincemeat out of my insides) XP
Friday, July 26, 2013
The (hopefully) final sx
Yesterday was the removal of the 2nd stent from my effed up gallbladder removal procedure. This was the all important one in the bile duct that the dr was leaving in for extra time to ensure it was completely healed. Its also the spot which the dr said tore like tissue paper when he touched it (kinda nerve-wracking knowing he's gonna go back in to mess w/ it again). It didn't make me feel a 100% better when he came in pre sx to say that when they go in.. if its NOT healed, they'll put a new one in (just want I want)
According to what we were told, we needed to schedule atleast 4 hrs for the entire hospital time - from arrival to departure, so I arrived at 7am and I was expecting to leave around possibly 11am to 12pm (all the red tape and paperwork and stuff). I was HOME at 9:30 am. Considering the fact they never actually took me back to the OR until around 8am, I'm not sure why it went so quickly, but I'm glad it did and that it went well, however he did take a biopsy of my stomach since it was all red and stuff - just to make sure its not a bleeding ulcer of something...honestly, I think its cuz I kinda forgot some of the rules and ate spicy stuff the night before (tho I didn't really think it was that spicy)...they'll let me know in a few wks what they think of it. I'm just glad this entire fiasco is over... frankly, from the moment I lay in bed with my abdomen burning feeling nauseated with the one of two sick-inducing pains, this has been a roller-coaster of ups & down of what the facility managed to save in its database from the last time, or what needs re-written. I get auto calls about appts I never set (well, maybe did set as the drugs were taking me under..vaguely recall lady sitting at comp, not what she was talking about) or waking up (again, recall many ladies w/ clipboards and at comp, don't remember what they said each time). The drs, tho.. are great...
I hate when a good dr is backed by a facility having so many problems... the probs maybe caused by any # of factors, but still...the good drs could be exceptional when paired with the right staff and right facility
sorry---old gripe--the boss, dr, etc can be better when backed by the right staff/facility/equipment had a hell of a time getting some of my previous employment places to even listen to that idea
According to what we were told, we needed to schedule atleast 4 hrs for the entire hospital time - from arrival to departure, so I arrived at 7am and I was expecting to leave around possibly 11am to 12pm (all the red tape and paperwork and stuff). I was HOME at 9:30 am. Considering the fact they never actually took me back to the OR until around 8am, I'm not sure why it went so quickly, but I'm glad it did and that it went well, however he did take a biopsy of my stomach since it was all red and stuff - just to make sure its not a bleeding ulcer of something...honestly, I think its cuz I kinda forgot some of the rules and ate spicy stuff the night before (tho I didn't really think it was that spicy)...they'll let me know in a few wks what they think of it. I'm just glad this entire fiasco is over... frankly, from the moment I lay in bed with my abdomen burning feeling nauseated with the one of two sick-inducing pains, this has been a roller-coaster of ups & down of what the facility managed to save in its database from the last time, or what needs re-written. I get auto calls about appts I never set (well, maybe did set as the drugs were taking me under..vaguely recall lady sitting at comp, not what she was talking about) or waking up (again, recall many ladies w/ clipboards and at comp, don't remember what they said each time). The drs, tho.. are great...
I hate when a good dr is backed by a facility having so many problems... the probs maybe caused by any # of factors, but still...the good drs could be exceptional when paired with the right staff and right facility
sorry---old gripe--the boss, dr, etc can be better when backed by the right staff/facility/equipment had a hell of a time getting some of my previous employment places to even listen to that idea
Monday, July 15, 2013
More and more tests
Just got back from the latest appointment with my neurologist - as if I didn't have enough to worry about, he's brought up the question of whether or not the mental blanks like the one I had at the grocery store last month could be cuz of mini seizures
oh joy
just what I needed to think about
He doesn't think so, but it is a possibility. Plus, I take too long to respond to simple yes/no questions that actually shouldn't take processing like I require.
So, I have an EEG scheduled for the end of the month.
Dr. says not to worry; that its probably related to MS cognition problems (of which I've already shown some signs) and that the EEG will probably be normal. Unfortunately, I am a chronic worrier (hence the anti-anxiety meds originally being added to help w/ sleep). Plus, the unfortunate ability I have of being the 0.00nth% minority that has the reaction/allergy/side effect/etc that the fine print warns about. I've stopped being amused and now its turned to frustration when I hear a dr say "huh, that's new"
Depending on the results of the EEG, I may need to change some of my meds (again) or go for the day long cognitive testing... the dr says its actually kinda disappointing, cuz no-one (even someone without MS or other neuro probs) scores well on it.
This has been a day of not quite bad news, but definitely no good news
oh joy
just what I needed to think about
He doesn't think so, but it is a possibility. Plus, I take too long to respond to simple yes/no questions that actually shouldn't take processing like I require.
So, I have an EEG scheduled for the end of the month.
Dr. says not to worry; that its probably related to MS cognition problems (of which I've already shown some signs) and that the EEG will probably be normal. Unfortunately, I am a chronic worrier (hence the anti-anxiety meds originally being added to help w/ sleep). Plus, the unfortunate ability I have of being the 0.00nth% minority that has the reaction/allergy/side effect/etc that the fine print warns about. I've stopped being amused and now its turned to frustration when I hear a dr say "huh, that's new"
Depending on the results of the EEG, I may need to change some of my meds (again) or go for the day long cognitive testing... the dr says its actually kinda disappointing, cuz no-one (even someone without MS or other neuro probs) scores well on it.
This has been a day of not quite bad news, but definitely no good news
Sunday, July 7, 2013
meow
"First rule of Cat Fight Club
never speak about Cat Fight Club....
second rule about Cat Fight Club
never speak about Cat Fight Club....especially to humans" XD
Almost every night, after Matt, the dog, and I go into the master bedroom for the night, Xan and Midnight go crazy attacking each other. I know this because I've stayed up a few nights and that actually hasn't deterred them much.. I can only guess how much worse it gets when I'm NOT present, especially since when I woke up this morning, there was an *excessive* amount of white fur clumps scattered around the living rm. Xan sheds, but usually a few wispy bits at a time (just kinda constantly). These were *clumps*..like Midnight bit down on some back or side fur and yanked out or clawed out.
I know it was Xan's cuz A) she's a mostly white calico with baby-fine hair that falls out anyway if hit by the slightest breeze and 2) she's a wuz..she's about 2/3 the size of Midnight and runs from the slightest challenge.. love her and wouldn't trade her for the world... but I do wish she's grow a backbone...especially after almost 7 yrs dealing with Matt. she acts like has abused her (hasn't), & is out to get her (isn't) and the dog who is fine letting her walk around usually until she tenses up..then the dog needs to chase her cuz the dog know the cat will run. running object = the need to chase the running object for almost any canine i've seen.
I wish there was a third rule of Cat Fight Club
never leave evidence of the Cat Fight behind
Then I wouldn't have to spend the morning vacuuming up all the bits to fur they pull off of each other
never speak about Cat Fight Club....
second rule about Cat Fight Club
never speak about Cat Fight Club....especially to humans" XD
Almost every night, after Matt, the dog, and I go into the master bedroom for the night, Xan and Midnight go crazy attacking each other. I know this because I've stayed up a few nights and that actually hasn't deterred them much.. I can only guess how much worse it gets when I'm NOT present, especially since when I woke up this morning, there was an *excessive* amount of white fur clumps scattered around the living rm. Xan sheds, but usually a few wispy bits at a time (just kinda constantly). These were *clumps*..like Midnight bit down on some back or side fur and yanked out or clawed out.
I know it was Xan's cuz A) she's a mostly white calico with baby-fine hair that falls out anyway if hit by the slightest breeze and 2) she's a wuz..she's about 2/3 the size of Midnight and runs from the slightest challenge.. love her and wouldn't trade her for the world... but I do wish she's grow a backbone...especially after almost 7 yrs dealing with Matt. she acts like has abused her (hasn't), & is out to get her (isn't) and the dog who is fine letting her walk around usually until she tenses up..then the dog needs to chase her cuz the dog know the cat will run. running object = the need to chase the running object for almost any canine i've seen.
I wish there was a third rule of Cat Fight Club
never leave evidence of the Cat Fight behind
Then I wouldn't have to spend the morning vacuuming up all the bits to fur they pull off of each other
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