curse of intelligence?

I know I blog a lot about my dog, but she's a big part of my life. My fabulous husband is my rock and shelter and partner and has been with me thru thick and thin. I couldn't ask for a greater guy. He's a great emotional, physical, financial, everything support. But my dog is my mental centering focus. She rarely leaves my side, sleeps at my feet and usually seems to react to my moods. Honestly, even tho she's 'technically' not licensed or trained as such (not that I'm sure that's even done or necessary), I still consider her my companion dog.

Right now, I think she's feeling depressed...today especially. She barely ate her breakfast (so odd for her). Yesterday, I fed her a little earlier in the evening than normal. When I told her to go lay down in the kitchen for supper, she just stared at me. She's never NOT excited over the words "kitchen" and "supper". Even if she's *just* eaten. It took a few urgings to get her to go to supper an hour early. Then, a little later, when I was putting my shoes on to leave for a bit, she just stared at me instead of bouncing around complaining (like she normally does).

Ebony is smart..even for a dog. I'm not just saying that cuz she's my dog the way mothers always say their baby is cute..I've had plenty of dogs that I will willingly say are dumber than a box of rocks, and that's even insulting the rocks to compare the dogs to them. Problem is, that intelligence, no matter how smart she gets or how much she observes or what we let her investigate (she's incredible curious about *everything* around her). she's still limited in just how intelligent she can become by physical, genetics, everything else. I realize this may be me just seeing things in her actions that aren't really there, but based on her actions toward the now-empty yard next door, the actions yesterday when I changed her routine by feeding her early then left 30 min. later and then her clinginess today... I honestly think she's truly depressed because she thinks things are changing around her.

In this instance the phrase "ignorance is bliss" seems most fitting cuz its kinda like when someone knows just enough about a topic to start a conversation, but not enough to continue it once the experts join in. I think the problem arises from the fact that she's smart enough to see the changes, but not quite capable of connecting the why or the fact that its a one time thing or that it happened to someone else and won't affect our little family.

Its probably good that I don't speak "dog" cuz my heart would break even more about all of this if I was sure that she was aware of how *little* she knew. When I worked with special needs people a few yrs ago, I could tell by the way they spoke and things they said that (atleast some of them) were aware of their limits..now that I'm experiencing  so many cognitive probs and declines with my knowledge lost somewhere in me (never to be found?) ...I'm understanding more and more their frustrations and fears as I see others understanding things I just can't...quite...grasp

More (slightly less) realistic dreams

  Last night I had a rather disturbing dream that some people showed up and tried to forcefully claim Ebony as their lost dog. Since she was brought in by Animal Control to the vet office where I was working (like 8 or 9 yrs ago, in OH) it was always possible that someone would claim her from the vet's when we said we 'found' a dog...especially since her breed is kinda pricey and the vets are pretty certain she's pure bred (frankly, I don't care, & she's spayed now anyway so it doesn't matter). I spent the entire dream screaming at people to go away and leave my dog alone. or running w/ a 13 lb shivering black, ball of fur in my arms cuz she was terrified of all the noise and strangers trying to grab her.

  The second dream involved a group session w/ a neurologist who kept talking about fresh air and holding the session outside & when I said that I'm cold & that it's cold outside, he begins almost yelling at me for not liking fresh air and sunlight, etc.  He won't believe me when I say that I can't take the cold and have a very hard time staying warm even with blankets and tons of clothes. We begin an argument about the fact that its actually the cold, not the "fresh air" as he puts it, that I can't deal with. Even the others in the group session were ganging up on me about the whole going out in the cold cuz the fresh air is good. That dream just felt like one big fight..most of it with a dr who wouldn't believe a word I said  =(