Who needs sleep? (well you're never gonna get it) ..BNL

...so I'm not really as bad as the guy who's been awake since the second World War, but some days I certainly feel like it. The worst part is that I actually DO sleep. Hell, sometimes I even take naps and I end up waking feeling the same or little better than when I first closed my eyes.

IDK--I suppose I shouldn't be this surprised or upset about it. When I was first diagnosed in early 2000's, the dr told me he saw the MS clearly, he was pretty positive on the chronic fatigue, and he wouldn't be surprised if I had a third or more neuro/musculature type problem but he wasn't able to say what. In the past few yrs the cognition has become a greater and greater problem for me, along with the fatigue. Cognition and memory issues have always been where the MS have hit me the worst the few times my course of DMDs needed to be switched or various illnesses caused more problems than anticipated.

The recent year, I've had a few episodes where simply lifting my hand/arm off the bed in the morning is a draining effort.  I may be like that in the morning and a few hours later I'll have a little more energy. or I'll be the same all day. My GP ran some tests and discovered my Epstein-Barr levels were incredibly high and all pointed to chronic since it had been going on for almost 2 months.

I vaguely remember the few days I stayed home sick w/ mono in the 8th grade. I was kinda tired, had a sore throat, and felt blah. Now, as an adult, it just down right sucks! I'll have a day, or even only a partial day when I feel alright and can play with the dog or something. Then I'll be back to staring off at the distance from the couch or at the back of my eyelids.

Joys & frustrations of smart animals =)

I'm sure every pet parent will talk about how their's is the smartest of the breed, a quick learner, etc. And I've boasted the same thing many times. But I have to admit that sometimes having a smart dog can be a pain in the @$$.

Don't get me wrong, I'd never change the fact I chose to adopt her and we were warned she was a 'difficult' breed to raise. I just didn't realize 'difficult' meant basically dealing with a 2 yr old in a dog's body. If Ebony is upset, she'll rip tissues or cardboard into little piles. Usually its when we leave her alone so she'll greet us at the door with ears down and tail tucked, knowing she'd done something wrong. When she's waiting for food or a treat, she'll thump the ground like a kid thumping the highchair table.

She has a bunch of rawhide bones that we keep in a basket for her to pick thru. She'll grab one, decide no, drop it, grab another, drop it, etc. If I try to help, she'll either ignore me or lightly grab a hold and drop it somewhere else or even throw her head and toss it. She's very picky sometimes (usually). Its great that she's able to get the rawhides herself because we use to keep them all in the pantry and switch them out when she got tired of one bone or the other. Now we just occasionally have to pick up after her. I've tried teaching her to put them away, but her preference is out..so its difficult to make her understand the need. =/

Matt accuses me of spoiling her. And I'm guilty, I know..a little. We're together nearly all the time so I've learned most of her habits and she's learned a lot of mine..even to the point where she knows that I can't hear her scratching at the door most times (w/out my hearing aides), so she'll get my attention before going to the door.

Ebony is independent and curious. We've encouraged that her whole life. If she puts her nose up to investigate something, as long as its not directly food, we hold it down for her to sniff..boxes, plastic, etc, she usually just sniffs and walks away. Whenever we bring something into the house we'll let her get a good look and a sniff at it. She might not know what things are, but we haven't had problems with her randomly chewing on everything around her whether its edible or not. She also 'build' little nests and forts for herself with blankets and pillows. As long as the items are loose enough and not restrained, she will dig, nose, pull until she has them just right.

However (like recently) especially when I'm feeling off, upset, or sick she will often cuddle or lay with her paws touching my leg if my lap isn't available..basically staying in touch. She's atleast empathetic enough to know when I need a canine friend to sit with me.

Unfortunately when I try to wrap up in a blanket, she usually decides that's the blanket she wants next and begins a tug-o-war game with me.

Limitations?

This past weekend was the Chupacabracon convention..a game con here in Austin only a few minutes from the house-similar to Origins or Gencon but on a much smaller scale. Of course, I scheduled to attend a few of the games & seminars, each lasting a few hours. The convention was much smaller than others I've attended (I've been to Origins a time or two several years ago) but this venue was incredibly smaller than the space that holds all those who travel for other conventions.

Even tho there were fewer people there this weekend, the noise level sounded several times louder. Its possible it may have been the hearing aides that I had this year, but even Matt said the lower ceiling and closer walls kept a lot of the sound in so I wasn't imagining things. However, the press of noise added to the stress of so many bodies (I'm definitely an introvert on the personality scale) and I'm not use to being out so late any more and getting up super early anymore. Plus I haven't been sleeping well lately.

Come today, the third day, I had scheduled even more games. But I realized my enthusiasm had been a little bigger (again) than my actual endurance. I've done it several times in the past. Usually I'll start into something and end up forcing myself thru and causing more problems for myself in the long run. This time I decided to cancel before the fact and not cause myself undo stress. Instead, get needed sleep, relaxation, etc.

I get that I can't stay up til all hours of the night any more and get up at 'un-godly early' hours of the morning to socialize or do whatever. Not only do I have a disease, I'm also getting older (not "old" =D), but learning to accept the things that I have difficulties with..is difficult..




I kinda like pushing those limitations.....

Its the little things

Tonight, hubby & I went out to the movies (Capt. Am., Civil War..very good!) since socks/tennis shoes don't really go w/ skirts & 90+ temps,it was too hot for jeans (I'm lacking shorts at the moment..shopping trip =D ) I had to reach for some old sandals. This was a spur of the moment idea..usually I just suck it up and go w/ the jeans. Don't get me wrong..I loved these sandals..I wore them everywhere. That's why I kept them after I started having balance issues and had to drop to strict flats. They have about an inch rise..not quite a heel, more like a wedge. I was never good at wearing actual heels or flip-flops and this strappy sandal was enough of a dress casual that I could wear them w/ anything. Maybe 5 yrs ago my balance became so bad that even standing up in the sandals became almost impossible, and trying to take a step would turn an ankle. Tennis shoes were a little better..barefoot was the best. but of course, I can't go everywhere barefoot so barefoot shoes really helped. Yoga classes. & the sight of the sandals sitting in my closet. Tonight, when I tried on the sandals..I knew it might not work, I was risking injury (I had my hand right above something to grip..not totally stupid) and I might be disappointed. I also tried them on well before we had to leave. That way any problems would happen at home. Needless to say..the night went off w/out a hitch and I felt as good in the sandals as I ever did.