midnight ramblings

The mildly sleep deprived brain..not entirely, cuz I'm getting sleep--its just all been shitty cuz I've been in pain from one ailment or another (besides the pt)..comes up with some of the weirdest connections and thoughts..

I was sitting here thinking about some of the ways the MS has hit me the hardest..& its definitely been with this cognition and memory crap. Now.. I didn't have perfect recall or anything like that, but I never really had to struggle to see connections..for the most part (there were a few things I still struggled w/, but not many) my brain was just geared to seeing and getting the whole picture.

I honestly think that actually was conditioned into me by the way I learned to read..I made Mother read the same book so many times I memorized it by page and since she would point to each word as we went along, I recognized the whole words...teachers weren't successful teaching me individual phonetics until much later cuz I figured I knew more than the other kids, so I'd stop listening =/. I never learned that simple skill of piecing an unknown together until much past the 'formative' yrs. (yes, I was the know-it-all bratty kid that parents loved and most kids hated)

Now, tho, I have such a hard time not looking at everything as a whole and getting SO frustrated when things don't come into focus like they used to. I always feel like I'm missing some important clue that would just help everything I see around me snap into place again to form a nice, understandable, environment where I feel like I'm back in control again.


This probably all made no sense..but I'm done w/ my sleepy time tea stuff..so I'm gonna try to find a comfy position to sleep

My new "blog" thing...sorta..

So I've started my cognitive rehab. She has me showing up twice a week right now and giving me "homework" to keep my mind active at other times...things like thinking of items in a group. Hubby is helping tons by tossing out questions the therapist asked the session at different times during the day, especially ones I had problems with, so I'd have to suddenly activate my mind at random times..eventually I'm hoping it won't take an effort for my neurons to activate.

One of the suggestions the dr had was to keep a journal/calendar..something to refer back to about how my day, week, or however I want to track has gone, I'm not the best blogger/correspondent, but I figure jotting down pertinent things as they come...whether its the end of the night, week, etc...On to the real post for the night:

I've posted before about dreams...most of mine utterly suck, recently haven't been any exception. Last night, my dreams were filled with spiders of all sorts and sizes and mixed with agreeing to go back to my old hotel job--including the worst uniform ever imagined. All of it was covered with webs, spider ick, living spiders (some as big as my foot) and I needed to wade around piles of spider gunk that toward over my head just to find where my old uniform was stored...Disturbing, all of it

In other news, Xan seems to be getting better on the steroids..I'm not seeing as many clumps of fur laying around so I don't think she's pulling it out anymore. I also haven't been seeing her rub up against as many corners to itch her cheeks and ears. Giving her the pills have been..."interesting". Supposedly, they're flavored, but she still doesn't like the dispenser. Thankfully, only a few more day.