memories

Today was harder than I thought it would be...

I'm not sure why...well... I have ideas, but they might just be the random mumblings of a stressed, tired mind that is sick of everything and just wants to stop thinking for a long while until it can heal again..

I knew so few people.. that wasn't the terrible part. Mother didn't recognize or know many of the more distant branches or the family tree (& I'm not talking miles). It was held at my aunt's house, which is on the property of my childhood home....

I had a good childhood... don't get me wrong... talking about the stupid/insane things I/the pets did in the past should have been humorous...not sad or tear invoking...I shouldn't have been so devastated as Dad helped me walk from the large rock where I sat with my dog, down the driveway where I remember finding a plastic horse figurine while still at a hand holding age (3-5?) days before they paved it. I remember all these stupid little tidbits of my past, but I look at things from my life now and I feel like I'm forgetting more and more of the present when I'm reminded of more and more of the past..... I know that makes no sense, but the old resurfaces easier sometimes, or it replaced the new stuff if I've been recently reminded I suppose... IDK